Sometimes,but not always, when I am in a middle of a fight, a problem or a dilemma,when I am panicking and cannot think straight, when I am terribly emotional, and probably crying, I zoom out.
I picture a camera zooming out from the window, zooming out to a street view, now a block view, now a country scale, then the whole globe, it zooms faster and faster. I get smaller and practically insignificant. I can picture the solar system now, then the Milky way. I don’t have a mental image of the whole universe, but now my mind is focused on how scattered the twinkling stars are in the dark heavens. I am now nowhere and my problem is non-existent. The vastness of the universe is big enough to swallow all my problems away. And then again, the Creator of this huge tremendous universe is certainly able to solve my now trivial and laughable problem.
So maybe I should focus on the universe more than its centre more often 
. It is a good mental trick and helps me gain perspective.
After reading juka’s breath-taking angry post, I decided to share this, I read it somewhere on a magazine and dug it up from Google. Read for future reference.
If I had my child to raise over again
I’d build self-esteem first and the house later
I’d finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites
I’d stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I’d do more hugging and less tugging
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I’d model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.
~ Diane Loomans
أنظر بتململ من نافذة السيارة على المارة والسيارات المجاورة. يستوقفني سائق تاكسي تملأ سيارته دخان السجائر هو أيضاً ينظر بتململ إلى المارة في إنتظار أن ينفرج الزحام . أفكر في المستقبل في محاولة يائسة لحساب ما قد يحمله لنا. أعلم جيدا أن المستقبل بيد الله ولكن هذا لا يمنع من التخطيط والتفكير والكثير من الأمل والتفاؤل. أتذكر مقتبس من تشريح جراي
We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.
. يأخذني تفكيري إلى مصر وما بها من تناقضات وما بها من منغصات للمعيشة يأخذني تفكيري إلى مباراة مصر والجزائر أنظر إلى الأعلى قليلاً لأجد كما هو متوقع السماء مليئة باللوح الإعلانية يأخذني تفكيري إلى ذلك السائق ثانيةً” أكيد مكنش نفسه يبقى سواق تاكسي “أفكر في أحلام الناس كم هي بسيطة، كم هي ساذجة أحياناً وكم هي صعبة المنال. أفكر أن هذه البلد قد تكون جميلة, قد تكون “أحسن من غيرها” ولكني أصر أني لا أرها كذلك ارى جمالها مستتراً أرى كثيراً من الأخطاء المسكوت عنها أرى كثيراً من الكفاح وقليلاً من النتائج أرى كثيراً من أمل فالتغيير وقليلاً من العمل للتغيير ولكن أليس هذا حال الدنيا كلها؟ مخطئ من يعتقد “أن الدنيا وحشة في مصر بس”. ولكنني سئمت هذه المشاكل
أسأل في ملل أمي الجالسة بجواري فالسيارة: مش بتحسي يا ماما ان البلد ده محبطة؟
امي: لسة وخده بالك؟
أنا : بس الدنيا كلها أصلاً صعبة مش مصر بس.. بس فيه فرق بين إحساس ياه دة ليس كتير على منوصل وإحساس مفيش فايدة
ماما: بمناسبة الإحباط فكرتيني صحيح أكلم بتاع الستاير إلي كل يومين تقع دي
أضحك بس لجوا. الدنيا بدأت تمشي شوية لكني مازلت أفكر فيما علي عمله اليوم وغداً أفكر في أناس رحلوا عنا مثل جدي ومصطفى محمود وعبد الوهاب مطاوع أفكر في والدي المسافر أفكر فيك أفكر في أختي إلي إتسرقت محفظتها و”رجعتلها تاني وهي ناقصة ميت جنيه” أفكر في تلك الأم المسكينة التي رأيتها البارحة وكانت تسأل “إذا كان حد عارف دكتور نفساني عشان ابنها عنده ميول سيكوباتية” أنتبه لصوت القارئ الشيخ وهو بيقول” والله ذو الفضل العظيم “
Today happens to be my first day at home. No 9 to 5 no more. At least for a while. I am supposed to be working on my masters thesis of course, but it can wait till I write this post.
You know what I really really really want right this very instant? Other than lunch. I want to travel. Preferably somewhere far . I want to pack, take more stuff than I need, ride on a plane and go somewhere else. Somewhere new and exciting. I am not generally picky, but I prefer somewhere to have lots and lots of gardens, and lakes, and theme parks.Somewhere with unexpected weather. Somewhere with a different language and habits and way of doing things. I envision myself sitting in one of those gardens and reading a cute travel guide to try and figure out what i’ll do with the day. I envision window shopping, getting lost, riding an expensive taxi,using my passport as identification, trying new tastes of food,experiencing new scents,trying to spell the hotel name, and asking native people to get pictures of me in front of statues and monuments.
But most of all, I want to leave before it all gets old. I envision myself coming back missing my home and family and the old places once again. I envision myself coming back refreshed.
“احنا جوا و تحت”
جورج عزمي –
I always always encounter one of two scenarios in parking
Scenario One: The pessimistic gjoe is not feeling very lucky and wants to find a parking. She will take the first parking space available even if it means she will have to walk for 3 or 4 minutes. Once she gets to her destination, she finds a perfect spot right infront of where she wants to go. She stares at the parking space in awe and wonders if she could run back to her car and park where it is closer.
Scenario Two: The Optimistic gjoe is feeling lucky and totally disregards the available yet far from destintation spots because she thinks based on some calculated guess, she will find a closer parking spot. She gets closer and closer until she passes the destination and now it is way back. The only way she could get back to the now VERY far away parking spots, is to circulate around half the buildings of the block, given the traffic that is almost always terrible, this costs her no less than 15-20 minutes.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a well, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”—Lazarus Long
Bottom-line:Nothing will make you happy. I tried everything. Nothing works. Coffee, chocolate, ice cream,facebook videos,friends, family, comfort, a good night’s sleep, blogging ,a feel-good movie, accomplishments, success, money,being in a relationship,being out of a relationship,weekends, being famous, being liked, being pretty,shopping,a brand new car, an qwerty mobile,travelling the farthest you can from home, sight-seeing, lazy Fridays, coming home after a long day at work, breaking a record, jet skiing,good loud music, good slow music, running, owning a pet,Grey’s Anatomy episodes, George Azmy jokes, Seinfeld jokes,losing weight, gaining weight, being healthy, being smart, a surprise gift, a coincidental seeing of a good old friend. NOTHING.
Bottom-line:These will all give you the same effect: A temporary sense of contentment or satisfaction, to be mistaken with everlasting happiness. They might differ in ‘length of time’ in which you stay content, but their effect always fades away, their effect is always temporary and every once and a while many of them could be your source of sadness or disappointment. And not to forget the very essence of human nature:Once you put your hand on something, you might pause in gratitude for one minute, but you will once again try to find what else you are missing and try to achieve/buy/reach it.
Nothing will grant you what you are really looking for: Something more real, longer lasting. No. Everlasting. We know the right answer. We know exactly where we would find eternal happiness. Out of pride, ignorance and even stupidity we blindfold our eyes from the truth.
Bottom-line: After many trials and errors, I tell you this(which I hope you probably already know): You will only find happiness when you are on good terms with God, your Creator, your blessing Granter.You will only find happiness when you do what you do for the right reasons, for the right neyya, when you remember God in all your actions.(For goodness sake, we sometimes PRAY without remembering God.) You will find happiness, if you do less sins. You will find happiness, if at least you stopped ignoring them, pretending that they don’t pile up on your heart and that you don’t wake up every once and a while in the middle of the night being terrified that you will die tonight when you are least prepared. The good news? There are a hundred ways to get closer to God. Either by praying more, fasting more, reading Qura’an more, Thekr more, selat ra7em more,Charity more. More good news? Your inner peace is guaranteed. More good news the presence or the absence of the previously mentioned blessings, won’t make that big of a difference. And I quote: من وجد الله ماذا فقد ومن فقد الله ماذا وجد
الا بذكر الله تطمئن القلوب
الرعد:28
من عمل صالحًا من ذكر أو أنثى وهو مؤمن فلنحيينه حياة طيبة ولنجزينهم أجرهم بأحسن ما كانوا يعملون –
النحل:97
المال والبنون زينة الحياة الدنيا والباقيات الصالحات خير عند ربك ثوابا وخير أملا
الكهف:46
مَنْ أَعْرَضَ عَنْ ذِكْرِي فَإِنَّ لَهُ مَعِيشَةً ضَنكًا
طه:123
Bottom-Line: Nothing else works. Take my word for it.
This post is totally random.
I am finally reading through the five people you meet in heaven. I am at person four. It is really nice, but it took me alot of time to go past the boredom elly fel awel. It is really nice, but a bit straightforward for my taste.
You might have noticed the removal of the count-down widget. Yes, I am not proud of saying I failed. But at least I tried. The thing is, I always make it through the first day. Then break it the next. So my complaining have been on and off. (hence it always seemed to be stuck at 20)You know what, I didn’t entirely fail. My complaining rate drastically decreased. But didn’t disappear. I was thinking of making some complaining tolerance. I am not to completely deprive myself from complaining, but to allow myself for about 2-3 complains per day 3ashan matta2esh. What do you readers think?
I miss my morning coffee. I terribly miss it.
And then my job. Begad, this client is killing me slowly.
I took yesterday off and today half-off. But I am feeling terribly guilty about it. It is stopping me from enjoying the break. (7aga keda shabah lamma konna netfarag 3ala film leleet el emt7aan.)
I happy about me and my sister being back to normal again. Things have been terribly bad for a long while. It made me cry every time I am alone.
This post is not as interesting as I was hoping for.
You know what. I want my own cubicle for a change. My own mug, and cheesy notes on my desk. I never ever had that. My laptop is my office.
Speaking of my laptop, I changed my keyboard lately, 3ashan eddala2 3aleeh mayya. It kept pressing backslash all the time.
The new keyboard is “new” keda. Gives a nice feeling for the whole laptop.
What was so appealing for us as kids to be grown-ups? Begad. I wish now, someone will tell me that the day is over and it is time to sleep and punish me if I don’t.
I want to hold to a routine for my days for sometime. Yes it sounds boring. Terribly boring kaman. Bass I need some order.
I want to do some serious shopping.
You are probably reading this while you are at work. But let’s pretend the following:
You have a 100 Egyptian pounds and have the day off. You decided not to stay at home. And you decided to spend the whole 100 pounds. You can assume any weather you like. What would you do?
P.S: After 2 days of DOA, I finally survived the first day without complaining (Horraay!)
P.P.S: Yes, it’s a new custom header. Kont 3ayza a7ottoh last blog’s birthday on the 23 bass it was not ready then. Thanks to Fatima who also did the previous banner, she did this one too as a blog birthday present 
. What do we say in Egypt? Teslam edeeky
No story is complete from one angle. And if it is not complete then it is not true.
Interestingly enough, when you put all the angles together, you get a completely different story.
I have read such an interesting idea last week on Tim Ferris’s blog . I bet we all contemplated it every once and a while. I know I have. And I might as well do it.
The idea is quite simple: To stop complaining for 21 days. You keep track of the days and if you broke the code, you start the count-down all over again (To add some cognitive behaviour, they propose that you wear a bracelet on one hand and every time you complain, you switch the bracelet to the other hand ). Where will I keep track of my complain-free days? Maybe a widget here in the blog. Maybe as status updates. Maybe twitter. Yes. I will make it public as to increase the pressure of my failure to commit.
Why 21 days?a week to 14 days is too short and a month is too long. Yeah. 21 sounds fine. And it is tried too.
But, what is a complain? According to Tim Ferriss: It is describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem.
Fair Enough. Ya3ny no more:
El denya el za7ma, el denya 7arr, el denya bard, el yoom batee2, el sho3′l kteer, ana messada3a, i am sick and tired, i am running late, people are stupid, people are slow, people drive terribly, this won’t work, and mafeesh fayda.
Will I start today? Naaah.
Today I already complained from traffic and work. (6)
Tomorrow isA.
Watch your thoughts because they will become actions.
Watch your actions because they will become habits.
Watch your habits because they will become personal traits.
Watch your personal traits because they will decide your destiny.
–A translated quote from someone’s email signature.
Remember that scene from the beach when leonardo di caprio screamed describing his fight with the shark “I WILL NOT DIE TODAY!”?
This is exactly how intense I feel with a little twist. I WILL NOT BE SAD TODAY.
Not Today.
Not Today.
Today I decided to have fun. No not just fun. I will be happy, content and satisfied. I will have a sincere smile on my face. I will focus on the now. On this very instance. On how everything IS OKAY. I will focus on my blessings that I currently posses and that I can’t ever repay.I might as well finish this post and complete the overdue blessings tag. I will not divert my thoughts on how things were nor how things might turn to be. I will be happy today. I will let go of any negative thoughts. I will be happy today. Whether I will surround myself with happy and good people. or stayed home and read some fairy tales from that book I got as a gift from Juka for my birthday. I might as well have some comfort food and watch a feel good movie. And I might as well go out and have a one hour walk like I did yesterday.
I will be happy today.
No.
I am happy today. No matter how I spend it and with whom I spend it with.
I am happy today. No matter how many unknowns are floating in the air.
I am happy today. No matter how bad news and circumstances are trying their best to inject negativity in the air.
I am happy today. Because I choose to be. Because I decide to be
I am happy today. Because Rabbena Raheem, w Kareem w Lateef w 3′afoor, w 3aleem. He always was and always will be.
I am happy today. Because happiness comes only from within. And if I am happy enough, I might as well spread the happiness all over the place.
I am happy today, and I hope you are too.
“I`m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
– Marilyn Monroe
I’d never thought I would be quoting Marilyn, but this one, I relate to and it is well-said.
This is the 228th Post.
As of today, my blog is now 1 year and 3 days old. (My blog is a libra and a virgo)
I have 1,212 approved comments.
Currently there are 45 Spam comments.
I have 22 unused tags (3ashan bakkasel).
According to Google Reader, I have 44 subscribers to this blog.
I currently possess 101 drafts post.
Average views per day for the past month is about 125 views.
And this is just the beginning. I really like this blogging thing, even if now I blog less due to terrible time management skills.
This month, my Facebook Birthday Notifier has been notifing me with a fact that I already know: My Life is Surrounded by Virgos: My dad, my sister, 3 of my best friends, 3 co-workers, my cousin and a distant manager (3ala sabeel el mesaal la el 7asr) . It is a fact that I like actually. I always ‘click’ with virgos and find in them qualities that I would want to learn how to aquire. I know Virgos very well, I know what gets on their nerves, what makes them happy and what traits do they hold. With a few exceptions here and there, almost all Virgos in my life are the following:
- Perfectionist: Virgos are generally not procrastinators. They either do things at the right time, in the right way or they don’t at all. They are always seeking perfection in what they do. They are all in for the perfect book or the perfect shoes, or the perfect restaurant, or the perfect movie. They appreciate perfection and always raise the bar for those around them.
- Overanalyzer:They have to think stuff over and over and over again.( Kefaya ba2a. Kefaya.) Everything has to make “perfect” sense. They analyze past events, their sequence,people, their dynamics and their actions. Being overanalyzers have its good sides and bad ones of course. They are good at giving advice. Actually, they are the best advice givers. But at the same time, it might take them too long to reach a decision, or be overwhlemed when it comes to big steps in their lives. But being overanaylzers does not prevent them from appreciating the simple things in life.
- Detail-Oriented: Their attention to details amaze me. They notice their surroundings very well, they can remember who wore what on which occasion, they are good at remembering birthdays and anniversaries. Their rooms are not necessarily organized, but they know exactly where everything is. They can spot a small stain or car bump from far away. They are most likely to notice all the spelling mistakes in the post and drop me a comment. Their concentration levels make them almost never lose their stuff. As an always distracted gemini, their focus on the small things is like a super-natural power to me.
- Punctional: Virgos are always there on time. They hate being late, and are most probably the first to arrive to any occasion. (I remember on my graduation day, 2 of my virgo friends arrived to college 1 hour early to the graduation, they decided to pass by my place and so that the three of us would go to college together. My gemini aura made us late 1.5 hours
) - Beyfhamo fel osool: I can’t find anything more articulate in English that would describe ennohom “so7ab wageb”
- Hate Critisizim: Critisizm kills them. This is why they always build different kinds of shields to protect them from critisizim. They also make mistakes less than others for the very same reason. They have big problems with the phrase “I am sorry”.
- Love to Cristize: Now this I can’t understand. How come they are very bad receptors of crtisism and at the same time, they are very harsh when they crisitize? I just don’t get it. And the way they say it. It is just too..too..direct it is incosiderate.
- Hi, I am Narges: They are narissits, drama queens and kings, they think their problems hold more priorities than others. After they listen to your problem for 15 minutes and give you the perfect advice, you find yourself dragged for one hour into their oh-so-complex life with their dramatization skills. You find yourself trying your best not to let them panic or collapse while as a matter of fact, they know precisely how to solve their problems and are just doing all the drama because they like the attention that comes with it. Moreover,maybe because they are perfecstionist they assume superiority. Specially in “mentality”. They believe they are smarter than the common and most likely they are!
- They attract: Virgos attract other virgos. (Or Libras). There is nothing you can do about it.
P.S: I haven’t read one single article about Virgos, all the information mentioned above are from first-hand experience !
Do you think it is better/more effective for a person to try to change gradually or to change drastically at once?
What do I think? That is another post.
اللهم أصلح لي شأني كله و لا تكلني الى نفسي طرفة عين
اللهم رضني و ارض عني
اللهم ألهمني الصواب و جنبني الأخطاء
اللهم يسر لي و لا تعسر
اللهم تجاوز عن سيئاتي و تقبل مني صالح أعمالي
- People are judgmenetal. Even you are judgemental.
- Ask people for advice becuase they love to give it. Ask people for advice even if you already know what to do.
- It is not that no body cares. It is just only a few ones do. And these are the ones, sadly, that are taken for granted.
-Facebook is as boring/interesting as your friends you have.
- Watch out for your self-talk. It might be silent, but deadly.
- There is such thing as a dream job. It is real, and it is worth the fight, the search, the dissapointments and the wait. (I am not claiming that I have it, but I believe in it.)
- Watching too much movies and listening to too much songs MAKES one dilusional. It is up to you to decide how much is too much.
- Being spontanous is good. Being a planner is good. The two do not always conflict, they complement. Example: Let’s say you decided sponatonaously to go on a 1 day trip to Alex,;on your way, you “plan” what exactly will you do once you get there.
- Chocolate is not your best friend. It is just an alternative temporary friend. A delicious one though.
- Believing in Karma is good enough of a reason to start dealing with others with a better attitude.
- I don’t understand how people could hold grudges for so long. And don’t accuse me for not going through enough pain. I did. I was hurt intentionally and unintentionally from the closest people in my life. And let me tell you from experience: Forgiveness works best for everyone.
- Changing oneself is hard. Stop expecting every one else to do it.
- Driving decently in Egypt is hard. Stop expecting every one else to do it.
- There are two reasons of doing absolutely anything in this world: We either do things out of habit, or out of passion. We better make the habit of doing things out of passion.
- I think sometimes, it is good to shout ,to scream out loud, or to cry yourself to sleep. Nothing is as harmful and toxicating such as suppressed anger.
- Sometimes taking the risk of making a wrong decision is the right decision.
-Blogging is good for the soul.
I am hating the fact that I am not blogging as frequent as before.
The previous statement is a typical example of what I usually do: complain without doing anything about it.
